Spontaneity
I'm here.
Breathing. Noticing. Accepting. Feeling.
There's something that moves me towards a feeling.
Like I'm leaning over.
And that naturally happens all the time.
That's really me.
That is what I am.
But I suppress that.
I squish it.
I nip it.
And I'm worse for it.
Why? Not why. Stop thinking why. Just don't.
But when I really imagine not doing that, there's a small distance that makes me anxious.
This came up after H. told me that he got a foster dog where they pay for the vaccination and medication and just let him take care of the dog for five weeks.
And what I initially thought was, that's so cool.
And I had a leaning towards just doing it.
But then I thought, and I squished, and I nipped it.
And I feel worse for it.
I want to breathe.
I want to feel.
And fall with the leaning that I just feel.
I feel so much happier that way.
It makes me feel alive.
And I want that.
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